I guess? everyone writes about school starting tomorrow... so will I.
WARNING: If you don't give a gak about my personal life- just don't read. I have no idea why I am writing this but meh, stuff.
also it'd be nice if someone would comment this:
alexis25.deviantart.com/journa…before you read stuff there V you have to know that I think it is the right time to think about it. Maybe I'm just 15, but I have to be sure if I really want it at least 2 years before the USthing, so I have only 2.
This year I'm going to study more than ever(which means there will be less drawings). why? because I finally have definite goal in my life or something and I have to work hard this year because I want to go to high school I want to go and then... well... you all know I am from Poland and not really into staying here more than necessary... I want to go to High school with very good english-teaching-stuff( I know which one is it and It's not thaaat far from my home... and duh, I don't want any additional classes... which I will probably have anyway, because stuff). after this I want to study in LA. Why? Because. I know 3 Universities with stuff I want by now and I even looked for advices from other polish people studying in US. also I know my place is not in Poland... I don't really know why but I can feel it. I don't feel related to it in any way.
My life goal is to work for Dreamworks.. at least I think so now... I was thinking a lot about my future lately and I think this is what I want to do in life... yea, time for little life story:
Something like 1,5years ago I decided I want to be like Razuri-chan, because It's Razuri-chan :U I wanted to go to the same Uni as she 'n' stuff... and when I was her fangirl or something I learned a lot about drawing and I'm happy about it but still.. back then I didn't really think much about what would I actually do after this Uni... I wouldn't be so-much-wow-amazing-everycompanywantsme-omfg-everyonelovesme so... yea... I don't really want fame, I want to do... what I want to do.
But what do I want?
After thinking about this for next 3 hours I don't know... I want to do too many things at once.
Being a VA I can actually scratch because I don't want to be a dubbinger and I can't talk fluently in English(mostly when I don't know what to say f.e. if I want to practise talking in english and I have no idea wht to say, when I finally talk to someone about something I can talk pretty good I think)+I don't know how about accent stuff... I don't think I'll ever be able to do it good enough anyway. It's not that I don't believe in myself... It's that I can't really shout if I don't have to/don't feel like it, My voice is too soft for most of characters... and my laugh most of the time sounds like I have hiccup/I'm a donkey/I'm a mice/whatever .-. and I can't really practise, I'm too shy to do it in public and I can't shout or even say something without my siblings hearing it. And even if they won't mention it later(and they probably will) I'm just.. really, really embarrassed. And no, I don't want any VA classes as long as I'm in Poland.
And it's the same for singing(except for additional classes). Now I sing in
theater, but I think it's just... for now, I'll have some money out of it but I will never be a soloist singer(not in theater) and it... just isn't the thing I want.
Next thing is youtube. I really just want to talk to random people in the internet about stuff(or sing, but... just look at text above this), I really do but... I heard that I'm just a child and I don't know any better too many times and I really started to think about it and... yea, I do not know any better. And if I don't know stuff... then I will be next child talking about random stuff, right? also: I want to do stuff I want to do in life now... like... NOW, so... yea, siblings, stuff, hate on me, stuff.
and here comes drawing and all stuff that comes with it such as 3d modeling, animation, 3d animation, stopmotion 'n' stuff! THIS is somehting for me. I don't really have to say much, I don't get my sibling's attention-> they don't laugh at me. I'm not really a traditional artist(if any artist at all), I want to make digital stuff, I want to make my stuff look 3d, I want to make 3d stuff, 3d models/animation for example! so... yea, here it is. except for some movies I don't really like Pixar and Disney is... nah(I mean I really like disney, but I prefer their 2d animation), so Dreamworks is a dream work for me.
I still fear if I'm gonna make it and will they accept me in US and the worse- moving to the other country, BA! to the other continent! and LA is such a big city... and Universities are so big... I'm overwhelmed by the amount of things I need to get through, know and learn. If I will have anough support from people(mostly my family... this is kinda sad, but my parents never said something like "do it if this makes you happy". They don't agree with me most of the time so it'll be hard) and other stuff... I think I'mm make it.
We'll see.
We'll see...
I think that's it, you can go to sleep now. I will deal with my second thoughts later
Sorry for my english. If you cought any mistakes please let me know.
